Sometimes I want to check myself in to the Butterscotch Palace

It's been a crazy 2 weeks and I am finally feeling the effects of not sleeping... I am cranky and tired. Ben has been waking up every 2 hours to "eat". I think he started a habit of it when he had a cold nursing every hour or two because I am sure he had a sore throat and that made it feel better. Well he isn't sick anymore and I am struggling with getting him to sleep more then 2 hours at night. It's starting to take it's toll on me and I just want to jump ship. I have tried letting him cry it out at night (which worked for us for when he goes down for a nap - usually there is no more crying just lays and talks to whoever is in the room with him). However the midnight cry it out sucks. I have a hard time with it not to mention Jon has a hard time with it too. Last night Ben's "grumpy midnight time" came - I fed him, and then put him down - not a minute later he was screaming. there was nothing I could do for him.. he wanted to scream if I held him, scream if I put him down, scream scream scream... and there was Jon - just laying in bed snoring away.. so I left the monitor on, took my pillow went to the couch and slept there. Jon did deal with Ben and I got some sleep... guilty sleep... but sleep. and now I have a grumpy baby all day long.... and a husband who isn't really talking to me (granted he is at work - but hasn't text me all day -out of the norm)... Ugh don't you have days where you need a mommy vacation from it all. I would love to just get away - but then the guilt would set in within 20 mins of leaving the house. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE BEN AND JONATHAN with all my heart!! But this non-stop grumpy nights suck! I though sleep got better when they get older - not worse! Now I don't expect Ben to sleep through the night - but he should be going more then 2 hours! Ok... rant over. Done and done moving on.

I am going to take Arianne's post and copy it. I think it is time to reflect on the good things in life that keep us going.

1. Jonathan.. He is my heart, my rock, my everything. Without him I'd be lost, and not who I am today (even though most days I don't love myself). He loves me no matter what (at least that is what he says!)

{Right before Benjamin was born}

2. Benjamin! I couldn't imagine life without him.. in fact I barely remember life before him. I love him.

{The most recent photo shoot with Ben}

3. My family... This includes all "Niblings!" siblings, mom (mother in law), dad (dad in law) sister in laws, brother in laws, and all blood related and non blood related family. If I know you - you are most likely my family. without their wonderful guidance, their unconditional love, I would be nowhere.

{since my family is too big and I haven't put everyones picture into one .. you get my little family}

4. I also love my cat- yes I am that crazy cat lady - It is so nice to have a fluffy little kitty that will let me cry and cuddle with her whenever I need her - like last night on the couch.

{Best little kitty in the world!}

5. I love chocolate! Thanks to Ben I am now a chocoholic. Before Ben I could leave sweets alone.. in fact ,easter chocolates of mine would last a year - unless found by Jon. Now a piece of chocolate bar gives me great joy when eating...

6. I am so thankful to be able to take Ben for walks. He loves them and now with Spring almost here , the sunshine really helps us to be happy and thankful. The warm feeling when it falls upon your face truly does wonders for the soul

7. I am so thankful for finding my path in my faith (yes it is a bumpy path) but I can now see a little in front of me. There is always a long way to go but I am thankful that in my time of need (these sleepless nights) I am able to pray - I am lacking on my promise to say prayers and the rosary lately. Being able to speak to Mary when I am having difficult nights helps so much. I haven't done this in awhile and think that is why I feel like checking myself into the butterscotch palace these days.

*History - the "Crazy" house back home was painted a butterscotch color therefor we refer to it as the butterscotch palace.