Sometimes I want to check myself in to the Butterscotch Palace

It's been a crazy 2 weeks and I am finally feeling the effects of not sleeping... I am cranky and tired. Ben has been waking up every 2 hours to "eat". I think he started a habit of it when he had a cold nursing every hour or two because I am sure he had a sore throat and that made it feel better. Well he isn't sick anymore and I am struggling with getting him to sleep more then 2 hours at night. It's starting to take it's toll on me and I just want to jump ship. I have tried letting him cry it out at night (which worked for us for when he goes down for a nap - usually there is no more crying just lays and talks to whoever is in the room with him). However the midnight cry it out sucks. I have a hard time with it not to mention Jon has a hard time with it too. Last night Ben's "grumpy midnight time" came - I fed him, and then put him down - not a minute later he was screaming. there was nothing I could do for him.. he wanted to scream if I held him, scream if I put him down, scream scream scream... and there was Jon - just laying in bed snoring away.. so I left the monitor on, took my pillow went to the couch and slept there. Jon did deal with Ben and I got some sleep... guilty sleep... but sleep. and now I have a grumpy baby all day long.... and a husband who isn't really talking to me (granted he is at work - but hasn't text me all day -out of the norm)... Ugh don't you have days where you need a mommy vacation from it all. I would love to just get away - but then the guilt would set in within 20 mins of leaving the house. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE BEN AND JONATHAN with all my heart!! But this non-stop grumpy nights suck! I though sleep got better when they get older - not worse! Now I don't expect Ben to sleep through the night - but he should be going more then 2 hours! Ok... rant over. Done and done moving on.

I am going to take Arianne's post and copy it. I think it is time to reflect on the good things in life that keep us going.

1. Jonathan.. He is my heart, my rock, my everything. Without him I'd be lost, and not who I am today (even though most days I don't love myself). He loves me no matter what (at least that is what he says!)

{Right before Benjamin was born}

2. Benjamin! I couldn't imagine life without him.. in fact I barely remember life before him. I love him.

{The most recent photo shoot with Ben}

3. My family... This includes all "Niblings!" siblings, mom (mother in law), dad (dad in law) sister in laws, brother in laws, and all blood related and non blood related family. If I know you - you are most likely my family. without their wonderful guidance, their unconditional love, I would be nowhere.

{since my family is too big and I haven't put everyones picture into one .. you get my little family}

4. I also love my cat- yes I am that crazy cat lady - It is so nice to have a fluffy little kitty that will let me cry and cuddle with her whenever I need her - like last night on the couch.

{Best little kitty in the world!}

5. I love chocolate! Thanks to Ben I am now a chocoholic. Before Ben I could leave sweets alone.. in fact ,easter chocolates of mine would last a year - unless found by Jon. Now a piece of chocolate bar gives me great joy when eating...

6. I am so thankful to be able to take Ben for walks. He loves them and now with Spring almost here , the sunshine really helps us to be happy and thankful. The warm feeling when it falls upon your face truly does wonders for the soul

7. I am so thankful for finding my path in my faith (yes it is a bumpy path) but I can now see a little in front of me. There is always a long way to go but I am thankful that in my time of need (these sleepless nights) I am able to pray - I am lacking on my promise to say prayers and the rosary lately. Being able to speak to Mary when I am having difficult nights helps so much. I haven't done this in awhile and think that is why I feel like checking myself into the butterscotch palace these days.

*History - the "Crazy" house back home was painted a butterscotch color therefor we refer to it as the butterscotch palace.

quick: Sewing project

Here is the table runner that I made for our table at home. It was so simple to make - I made my sister in law one too (different material) as a Thank You for babysitting Ben A couple of times!

{The one I made for our table}

{It's reversible}

{The one for my sister in law}

ahh

I feel so refreshed! On saturday I headed up to the Catholic Church. It was Ben's nap time so Jon stayed home with him. I was so nervous about going to church by myself but what a wonderful time it was. I was able to focus on what I wanted to. I feel so refreshed after going. I really enjoy the Catholic service much more then the Lutheran service. I think just the structure of it and the focus is just not on Jesus but on the whole family. (Joseph and Mary, Jesus and God, and also all the saints) and maybe that the service is still "Old school" or maybe it's just cause that is what I am used to - growing up going to the Catholic church. But I feel so refreshed and inspired by going to church and praying. I also find that in the Catholic Church that there is time in the service for personal prayer. So I think I will continue to go to the saturday mass and then sunday morning we will go to the Lutheran service. I have absolutely nothing against the Lutheran service at all. It is very similar to the Catholic one - (same readings, same gospel).

On other notes - Ben is now sitting up on his own - he still topples over but is doing really well. We have stopped giving him solids. I have noticed this is what was contributing to the grumpiest baby on the block. I was giving him some cereal/ fruit once a week and for 4 days afterwards he was so grumpy - you couldn't even get a smile out of him. So we will see if that was for sure what was doing it. He's back to his happy- go - luck self so far.

We have also started doing the cry it out - I wasn't for this method.. but we were rocking him for over 20 mins and then when we would put him down he would scream! so We started letting him cry it out and so far it's amazing! He cried for the first nap on and off for 25 mins, and now we have it so he barely cries at all and goes down. It's been so nice. I thought that I would miss the cuddling of rocking but I am finding now he is extra cuddly during the day (which is wasn't before) It is so amazing watching him grow and learn. but sad to think he isn't a little newborn anymore.

We also have a new nephew!! Ben and Jared are only 5 months apart! they are going to be good friends! (hopefully!) Jared's just a little peanut! so sweet!

Anyway I have been slacking in the rosary department so I am going to go pray now while Ben is napping.

And always remember - God gave you this day - do something beautiful!

Prayer

For possibly the first time I said the rosary. Yup, the first time. My grandmother's rosary hangs in Ben's room. (I bought her a rosary during my trip to Rome in 2000 - and it has since come back to me) . After I put Ben down for a nap - I knew I needed time for prayer. It's been a difficult week. I have been trying to dedicate time from my day to spend time Thanking God, Jesus and Mary for a wonderful day, even if it was emotionally draining with melt downs and screaming. With the help of the internet today I said the rosary. I am sure not perfect, in fact I know it was not perfect. but it gave me such a wonderful feeling of relaxation and a closeness to God. I did apologize to God, Jesus and Mary for my lack of love towards them. as I did my eyes filled with light and my body with warmth. I haven't really given up anything for Lent but instead have added prayer time and alone time with God. I have been praying lots to Mary. For her to fill me with compassion, and patience when dealing with Ben's melt downs. As a first time mom, I have no idea what I am doing. I often find myself now (in the past few weeks) asking what would Mary do?... doesn't it seem like she would have all the answers. even if I don't know what to do - just asking myself this puts me in a place of calm and relaxation to be able to deal with the screaming and the melt downs. Our house is again at peace during these times. And it has definitely helped me at the 2am feedings and when Ben decides to wake up every 2 hours. I am not perfect at these times, I know, but it has helped me. and when I find myself getting frustrated with the situation I remember Mary and how she would have had to deal with a screaming child too, and how calm she must have been. I am not perfect. My house is never fully cleaned,my fridge is never full, my cooking is hit and miss, and my life is disorganized, but my love for Ben is always and forever there. Not once have I stopped loving him. In all he does. My love for God, Jesus and Mary is getting there- It was always there but wasn't always in my heart. They never abandoned me but I abandoned them in my time of need.

Anyway to sum it all up - I feel very refreshed today after saying the rosary - I am going to make a good solid effort to say it everyday. And really it didn't take as long as I thought. I have to remember though to slow it down and really think about what I am saying and reflecting on.

I am leaving you with this song. I have been playing it over and over and over again all day long this week.

Hail Mary,Gentle woman

sewing and working

It's been a long two weeks - I have been sewing happily with my new sewing machine - completing two projects... slow but steady. I will post them later as one of the finished projects is a gift.

And I have been working in my basement on actual work. It's hard to leave Ben upstairs with my Sister in law but I do need to work. So it's kind of a split thing. Work is good for money and paying the bills, but sad because it takes me away from Ben for a little while. But tomorrow is mommy and Ben day! I am so excited! I get him all to myself!

I have a lot more to say but need more time to compose myself.

Thank God!

After a very stressful week with Ben - He is now back to his old wonderful,easy going, self! I wasn't sure how much more I could take! He was so grumpy last week that if you even looked at him a funny way - he would freak out! I was going stir crazy! But now we have all gotten our much needed sleep and we are back on track!Ben and I went fabric shopping today in hopes of bringing some spring into our kitchen with a new table runner... and then some fabric to make a nursing cover - I have a nursing cover that my sister in law gave to us. It's wonderful! but Ben is growing and I am nowhere near being a pro at breastfeeding so I will attempt to make a bigger one.

{the floral and blue are for the table runner and the black is the nursing cover}

I will let you know how these go - I will attempt to cut and pin them tonight now that Ben goes to bed at a decent time!

I put together Ben's highchair all by myself! I have been noticing that Ben likes to be able to see me - so I figured I would set that up so that when I am in the kitchen cooking and baking he can be there too - sitting and playing with his toys. He loves it and we often now eat our supper at the table with Ben. Ben has also tried brown rice cereal for the first time. He loved it!!! He wanted more afterwards! but I have waited a few days to give it to him again. I am not sure if mommy is ready for that step. I thought I was - but now I am not sure! silly me!

{first time in the high chair and cereal!}

Not much else is going on - Jon and I have been attending Church again and it feels so good to connect together with God. I am Roman Catholic and Jon is Lutheran - We attend the Lutheran church - which is so very similar to the Catholic Church (yes I know it is a separation of the catholic church) but I do miss the Catholic service a little. Maybe it is because I know a catholic service inside and out. and am still getting use to the Lutheran ones.... Either way it is great to be together on the path of faith again.

YAY!

I am so excited! I just got back from purchasing a sewing machine! I can't wait to start some projects! I am not sure what to make or anything but I am just happy to have one! I started sewing in 2009! Yup I had no idea how to even sew a button! and so I took a class and now I can sew some what.... I am still learning! ok ok I have a lot to learn!

The past week has been kind of intense... Jon got the stomach flu.. Ben is incredibly grumpy! I was ready to check myself into the butterscotch palace! Today seems to be the best day that Ben has had - back to his happy self and not fighting sleep as much. Today he is much more himself. Which makes for a happy mommy! I think he is teething! He can't get enough chomping on things! What a monkey! He had cereal for the first time last night and he loved it!!! He was angry when he ate the whole bowl!!! That's a great thing.. I think we are going to try baby led weaning. I do need to read up on it a little more but it seems interesting and really... who has time to puree everything. I think Ben will have a solid appetite! so I think he will do well with it.

Anyway the boy is finally napping and I need to get some supper going and the house needs a good tiding!

Happy Friday!